A wonderful woman I know is in the height of labour, being midwife-d and doula-d by two equally wonderful women, under the incredible energy of the full moon tonight. 
I’m sitting here at the window writing this, soaking up that same moon, and I can’t stop thinking about her and giving birth and how that whole process is a metaphor for every momentous event: for us, it’s our moving out of this house into The Great Unknown. To a Something that hasn’t quite taken shape yet; to a future that isn’t certain.
I’ve felt like I’ve been in labour the past week: the slow, frustrating build up, the stopping, the starting. And now, I’m in transition. I’m at the “I can’t take it any more! Stop this happening, I want to get off!” stage: knowing, knowing I can’t get off; knowing, knowing I have to allow myself be carried along in the force of all that is happening around me; knowing that I am in the middle of the snowball that is gathering speed going down the hill and it can’t stop until things even out on the flat again.
I’m tired. Exhausted. I’ve laboured and I’m done. I want this to stop. I feel like I don’t have the energy to do the final push, to pack up our last few things and drive away for the last time (We are moving out in a few days)
This transition is completely shite and horribly painful and frequently makes me so anxious I can’t breathe properly. I hate the saying goodbyes, the grief of loss, the fear of the unknown.
I hate the frustration of all that needs to be done on a day to day basis, before I ever tackle packing and sorting and deciding what stays and goes. I hate the uncertainty, the lack of definitive answers, the lack of stability.
And yet, I know I will, in birth-language parlance, give birth to something extraordinary in this moving. I can see a twinge of light coming through, a shard of excitement every now and then. The knowing that I’m not going to be “in labour” forever, that an end is in sight. That “the darkest hour is just before the dawn”, that the next few days are going to be tough and brutal and I’m possibly going to scream and cry (silently, I hope, in my head, so I don’t disturb my poor children).
I know it will be okay. I’m relinquishing all hold over what happens next, trusting that it will happen for our highest good.
I’m in transition, there’s a full, full moon saturating the sky, and I’m giving birth really, really soon…
Excitement, exhaustion, exhilaration and anxiety. It’s tough but you’ll get there – literally.
Safe packing and travels.
Your home has been good to you but new adventure awaits. X
From one who knows…!! Thank you Helen, I thought of you the whole time I wrote that post! Xx
First off, “eeeeeeeeeeeereeee!!!!!!!!!! Is she in labour????? Sending so many good thoughts!!!”secondly, you and your family are amazing. You will take so many memories with you when you move and plant new ones in your new home. Change can really, really stuck and be really, really uncomfortable and hurt like a you know what. Packing is even worse. There is no word to describe how bad packing truly sucks. But you’re going to do this and you’re going to get through this. And when you arrive at your destination, everything truly will be amazing. Except the part when you ßurprise and have to evict all the free losing speeders from your new house. Nobody likes that…
Yup, you’re going to have to use your imagination with that last comment. Auto correct went crazy!
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Lots of love Emily. Although I hate to admit it, you have made the right decision and will soon turn the page into a beautiful new chapter xx
Emily..you will be just fine..it is hard moving..and sometimes the unknown is dauntingly exciting…and usually it is always for the better y…no regrets..x
Emily
I can relate to most of what you are experiencing as we did this four years ago this week and I was exhausted and could barely climb the stairs of our new home when we finally got there.
I did not realize then just how exhausted I actually was and to be honest it did take a good six months for the exhaustion to settle, as you have to start all over again the other end! However, I can tell you this that it will all be so worth it, even though it definitely does not feel like it right now 🙁
So take lots of arnica and tissue salts to help ease the physically bruised body and bruised mind!
Let anyone who wants to help do so, you do not have to do it all on your own, even though it might feel like it right now.
An amazing new adventure awaits and you are a long time wishing for this time, so be okay with the drama that is moving and keep checking in with why am I doing this, what is it that is at then end and know that it will be wonderful, magical, unknown, but so so exciting, when the dust settles. Keep looking to that chink of light and it will get bigger, until you have a full glow and peace will be restored to you body and mind.
New dawn, new beginnings…….wishing you all such happiness and joy in your new home, your old one has served you well, but its time is done.
Sending you a big warm hug of energy!!
Monica xxxx
Good luck to your friend, I hope it all went well. You’ll get there too!!! I think a house move seems so exciting (spot the person who isn’t in the throes of moving and, in any case, doesn’t have 6 children!), I’m a bit jealous…..Looking forward to hearing you are unpacking in your new home. X
Sending you lots of love and energy…it is exhausting, it is exciting, it’s bloody draining….you are starting a whole new exciting chapter and it will all be worth it….big squishy hugs my lovely xxxx
(I hope everything went well for your friend and she’s drinking in that new baby smell this morning x)
Ooh in labour. Fantastic. I hope she is.
Oh dear, Emily! Yes, this will pass and it has to be got through. Good luck with everything. Look to the adventures ahead.
Thinking of you (and not just because I saw a red enamel kettle the twin of your teapot at a flea market this morning!)
Fionnuala, pkease don’t tell me you walked by it without buying?!?!;-)
Sending love and positivity to you all x x x
What a truly beautiful expression of what moving home is like. I hope your new adventure is as amazing as a new baby will be for your friend. I’m sure it will be and I can’t wait to read about it. Good Luck!
Oh how I feel for you, my sister moved recently and I know how much work is involved in the packing, the moving, the unpacking, the unmoving – yes, I believe that there is such a thing – my poor sister said that her heart kept asking her head when they were going home… Happily she is now feeling as though she’s at home so it may not take you too long either.
Last night we sat in our half-finished (but lovely) sitting room looking out the double doors at the most amazing aerial stunts provided for us by a pair of bats feasting on flies and midges attracted by the light of the moon and our lights. May your new home provide you with unexpected pleasures.
Best wishes for the move to you and yours and my very best wishes to your friend and her new baby-coming, I hope that all goes well.
I’ve been thinking of you at random moments over the past couple of weeks, I’ve no idea why, but I wish you loads of wonderful days in your new home.
I love this post as for anyone who gave birth it allows us to fully know how you are today.
I moved into my current home nineteen years ago. I bought the house (agreed the sale) without even telling my OH! We had to live with friends for a few weeks with two young children. The first week, my friend we were living with, forgot my car was behind his and crashed into it, the second week my little one, who was almost two, got pharyngitis and was very sick in hospital for a week, semi conscious tor two of those days. I can see now that might have been transition!
Anyway my point is I still drive into my home and think ‘I love living here’. I wish that for you. xx
I can understand the excitement and fear and trepidation, but ultimately you and your lovely family are home… so wherever you go, home is. Corney but true and a little calming thought for those extra anxious moment. Best wishes on your new adventure x